Hi,
I rescued a 6 week old puppy named Henry from the Humane Society and he's been a wonderful puppy. I took him to Puppy Training classes at Petsmart and he outdid the other puppies in his class, he is very obedient to me. I spend all day and night (even though I still have my house which happens to be down the street) with a new boyfriend and he likes Henry (who is now 8 months old) to keep his 3 year old boxer mix company when we're gone during the day. When we "moved in" with my boyfriend in November Henry was still doing really well with potty training, although he had a few accidents here and there, but he was only 4 months old so he was still learning. My boyfriend is a strict believer in physically punishing dogs when they acts out, so Henry learned to fear him in the beginning. I punish Henry but definitely not to the physical extent as my boyfriend does, I only spank him if he escapes from the backyard (which he's starting doing more which terrifies me). Henry doesn't like to be held anymore because when he was younger my boyfriend used to throw him up in the air and catch him (like you do with babies, but I think it scarred Henry) so now when you pick him up he tries to get down and sometimes ends up scratching you, which my boyfriend spanks him for. Now if my boyfriend even touches him or talks to Henry he'll pee, he even did it the other day when he was on my lap and my boyfriend pet him. My boyfriend gets very angry because his house is getting peed all over, and so he'll spank Henry fairly hard and throw him outside. Sometimes my boyfriend lets his anger take control of him and he overreacts and punishes Henry way more than needed or appropriate.
I think that Henry sprinkles a little pee when my boyfriend acknowledges him because it's him showing a sign of respect and submission, and I tried to explain to my boyfriend that it confuses Henry when he's getting strictly punished for being submissive to him and he needs to ignore it but it's not being ignored and nothings changed.
It's putting a strain in our relationship because it's the only thing we ever argue about. Please help me, I have no idea what to do, I can't stand to sit back and watch Henry get stressed out and hurt and confused ALL the time, but I can't get my boyfriend to change anything and not get really angry when Henry piddles a little bit. I'm scared that Henry is escaping from the backyard all the time because he's unhappy and constantly in fear when my boyfriend is around. HELP!
Thanks,
Laura

[CorkyMax]

My God!! I think you know what you need to do!! You need to either get rid of the boyfriend (who sounds like an angry person and somebody who all in likley will 'turn' on you and treat you the same way sometime 'down' the road) or take the dog back before he kills it. I feel so sorry for that dog--He had enough problems before he even met up with this guy!! And he sounds like (Henry) such a good intelligent dog. And, yes that is submissive peeing.
And if you want to get 'mad' about what I'm saying here and try to ignore the truth---I fear for your Henry--who is a sweet poor innocent dog. And no dog should be physically punished at all, not even the spankings you are giving!! Henry is trying to escape from that cruel person you call a boyfriend!
Please give up one or the other before your dog is permanently damaged physically and mentally---If it isn't physically harmed already from being hit and then on top of it all--BEING THROWN out the door. I know you don't like the thought of giving up the boyfriend, and I am thinking you got on this forum for somebody to tell you just that--REALITY!! You know dogs know who is a good person and who isn't--take the advise of your dog! No matter what you do--You have to choose one or the other because what is happening right now is a disaster waiting to happen---and if Henry ends up dead because of all this---How will you feel about Henry then??! PLEASE DO
SOMETHING NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!! I'm sorry to be so blunt but I know no other way to be in this situation. This situation between these two is never going to work!!

[CorkyMax]

This situation is still very much on my mind----Henry evidently loves you. He is depending on you to take care of him--He is putting his trust in you and you are the only one who can help him. If you can't give up the boyfriend--I implore you to find a new good home for Henry. If you love Henry, you will get him out of harm's way. If you can't find a good home for him, at least take him back to the Humane Society where you got him. I am assuming that this a no-kill place!! He would be much better off there then where he is now! And if he is lucky, some nice person that knows how to take care of dogs would adopt him and give him a good home!! You are lucky that someone hasn't complained about the way this dog is being mistreated and they haven't taken this dog away from you. I just hope that you don't some day end up physically abused yourself---this guy sounds like he could get violent----as it appears from what you said--My boyfriend gets very angry--Sometimes my boyfriend lets his ANGER TAKE CONTROL OF HIM AND HE OVERREACTS and punishes Henry way more than needed or appropriate." And being blunt some more--You are being selfish by keeping this poor dog in this situation--DO YOU LOVE YOUR DOG---If you do you will give it up or give up the boyfriend, You are keeping this dog in a tortuous environment. I'm not sure what you were expecting anyone to say here--whether you were just posting to let your feelings out or you wanted a 'reality check'--hopefully
you now have both. You must know by posting here what kind of reaction you would get---After all this forum is called I LOVE DOGS!! (And I sure do!!)
And I'm worried for you also---and believe me I know from experience of my own. I always went for the guy that I thought I could make a change in. Let me tell you, it just hardly ever will happen!:cry:

Animal crulety charges are no joke and that is what is happening to the dog. I totally feel for this dog who now may be permantly damaged due to abuse. YOU cant let that continue period. REHOME the dog to someone that knows how to deal with abused animals and set him free instead of being held captive in a fearful life, which in turn he may end up hurting someone innocent because he wont be able to trust humans again.

Most here rescue animals and this is the crap we have to deal with and its not fun.

As for you your grown- but as Corky said if he has anger issues then he will only take it out on you in time. The dog has no say- you certainly do.

I know, I'm really having a huge break down over this and so I posted to see if anyone has any suggestions as to how to stop the submission peeing behavior. I'm very sad that I've allowed Henry to be in this situation, he is so happy when my boyfriend is not around, and in the past few days has been starting to warm up to my boyfriend a little bit. I really appreciate your advice, and your being so blunt, there's no reason not to be. I can't stop crying reading these replies because I'm so upset about this situation, I'm a strong believe in unconditionally loving animals, they aren't humans and don't understand everything. I'm going to sit down with my boyfriend and tell him either he changes or we go. Here's a picture of my Henry!

We are here for you to be strong-not only have I rescued animals but lived with an abusive man soooooo I kinda know what it is your feeling. The man may say he will change only actions will prove that and dont fool yourself- most people wont or cant change without some kind of help. YOU need to be strong- knowing the truth and facing it - is not going to be easy but you and Henry will be better for it.

You can vent - we will listen........

THAT DOG IS GORGEOUS BTW!!!!!!!!

WELL, guess who turned on ME (just like you said, and just like I was in denial about), and especially Henry, yup my boyfriend, well now he is my ex-boyfriend. As much as it hurts, thank the Lord it's over. Thank you for all your support, I never realized I could find this much support online when I can't even find it in friends who are in my everyday life. Henry and I are back at my house with just eachother and my kitty (who loves Henry too)and we are happy as can be! No more violence, I look forward to the day when I can find a man who can love and repsect me and my animals as much as he should. Please send him my way, Lord!!!
Laura

Im glad to hear you made the best descion. It might not get easier depending on what type of man he is- days later with regret and promises to change....like I said dont be fooled. Now dont leave us - I want to see and hear about Henry regularly and PM me if you need to vent etc.

I would love to see more Henry

and when you least expect it GOD will send someone your way that will respect you and Henry

[CorkyMax]

HI
I'm so very glad you made the right choice! I know you are hurting about the break-up, but aren't you relieved too. And I'm sure you have plenty of time to find the right guy----I figure you are very young yet so have lots of time. I am so happy for Henry, and now hopefully it won't take long before he lets you be able to pick him up and hold him again. I wouldn't be too down about your friends not saying anything about that bad relationship---They were probably thinking they'd lose your friendship over it.
Right now you probably need their friendship. I don't want to upset you or get you all tensed up but I feel I have to say this---I hope your exboyfriend is
going to not be the kind of person who will strike back at you in any way--that you and Henry and your kitty will be safe! He lives so close to you, it worries me a little bit! With the anger issues he has, I was even wondering how he treats his own dog, and am hoping he isn't going to take his outlet on it. Sorry if I am upsetting you but I just want to make sure you are on your guard in case he does try something--I'm especially worried about him getting at Henry when you aren't around! Can you change the locks on your doors---I'm sorry, I'm a very cautious person and this worries me. Please tell me if I'm all wrong or this is going to be bothering me. But if you think I may be right---Please get yourself and Henry out of harm's way. Does your family
live near by? (I hope so) If you would rather not answer me (at anytime) in
this 'public' part of the forum--you can always send me a private message on my profile page (corky/max). Again I'm happy for you and Henry to be 'at home' Please keep in touch and let us know that everything is going okay and
would love to hear how Henry is improving and that is happy once again and loving his mama and is grateful to you for getting him out of where he was!
GOOD LUCK! Bye for now

[CorkyMax]

Just went back again and looked at pic of Henry----It is making me smile because he looks like such a nice puppy and those eyes---they are so expressive--I bet you just love him so much!!! I wish I could love that little guy up myself.

Just came back again to ask if you knew what kind of dog Henry is? I'm not very good at guessing, at least not until they get a little older. Being as you got him from Humane Society, you might not know either. If not--you could ask for members of this forum to maybe give their input on what they think---some are pretty good at this and is surprizing how many guess the same thing
and this can make the guess 'pretty likely' that is what it is!!

While I'm back in here---Wanted to say I commend you for being a strong person and all the obstacles we overcome just makes us that more stronger and add more 'character' to our personality. oxox

I'm sorry that it took him turning on you before you saw him for what he is--an abuser. But, I'm very pleased to see that you had the sense to leave him. Now, don't make the mistake of returning to him. Please be aware of the cycle of abuse:

"honeymoon period"-->"escalation" or "building of tension"-->"explosion--abuse"-->"reconciliation ("I promise I'll never do it again--I love you baby")-->"honeymoon period"--> and on it goes for ever and ever amen.

Abusers abuse--they abuse animals, they abuse humans. It's how they make themselves feel powerful. No matter what they say, how they plead, they WILL do it again. They will make you feel like it is your fault--if only you hadn't made him mad, if only you had cooked the meal right, if only your dog hadn't pee'd, if only.... They will try to isolate you from your friends, your family, your co-workers so that you don't have a support system.

I wish you well and hope you and your puppy never have to deal with such a man again.

(BTW, I grew up listening to my mother get the crap beat out of her. My BA is in psych/soc with an emphasis in family issues and I've worked with abused/neglected children. These scenarios are all too familiar to me. Don't be a victim!)