I have an 18 month old golden retriever dog. He is very well behaved and obedient when we are on walks. But at home, I feel that he is confused as to who is boss, he challenges my partner and I sometimes and has been known to growl quite aggressively.

Here is an example: The other night at around 12:00 midnight, I went to the toilet and on my way back through the living room (where he sleeps), I saw that he was asleep. As I walked past him, I said hello in a gentle voice. He then awoke and growled at me, he looked so tense, I could tell he was angry.
So here's what I did (don't know whether it was the right thing to do?). I stood where I was with my chest out and stared him out until he stopped growling (which he did), I then put him in his naughty place by his scruff.

Did I do the right thing or am I making him worse? I feel that sometimes he is confused as to who is boss in this relationship?


Please help! What sort of things should we be doing to help him see that my partner and I are the leaders.

Many thanks

P.S. We don't have any dog training classes near us and the ones that come out to your houses to do 121 sessions are too expensive for us.

Staring into a dogs eyes is a threat and should not be done. If you cannot afford a trainer or there are none available I would like to recommend a few good books.

Please keep in mind aggression is NOT something that should be handled by an inexperienced trainer and really needs the help of a professional who knows how to deal with it. The wrong approach can easily make a dog more aggressive and end in a dog bite (you. your partner or a stranger).

Where is your dog from? This is NOT a normal behavior for a Golden Retriever. Did you call the breeder and tell him/her you are having a problem? Most breeders are happy to help you find a trainer or even help you themselves as most good breeders have a good understanding of training and dog behavior.

Here are a few good books:

"The Dog Whisperer: A Compassionate, Nonviolent Approach to Dog Training" by Paul Owens and Norma Eckroate

"Leader of the Pack" by Nancy Baer

"Click To Calm" by Emma Parsons

"It's Me or the Dog: How to Have the Perfect Pet" by Victoria Stilwell


Avoid anything by Cesar Milan and any other force/fear based training methods as this will only make your dog more aggressive

I agree this is strange behaviour for a Golden Retriever in general but no matter what the breed, you cant put a tag on their behaviour. You have to remember this dog is showing agression, not necessarily from thinking he is boss. A few things to help you along:

NEVER stare him in the eyes. If you stare him in the eyes he will stare back at you - you are now in a challenge. If you do, whilst the dog is looking at you, you can't look away until he does - or even blink for that matter.

Don't play tug of war - again, this is a challenge to the dog for alpha role and if you "lose" then your dog will see you as week and so will try take alpha role.

Don't allow the dog to be on your bed. The boss will take the comfiest place and the followers will take where they can.

Always eat before him, put his food in a bowl, get down on the floor, but the bowl on the floor and pretend to eat from the bowl. If he even tries to but in to eat push him away. Wait until he is sitting patiently, leave him for 30-60 seconds then back away from the food and give him the OK.

I don't think you did the right thing, but I cannot judge as I didn't see the dog, I didn't see the circumstances etc but in that situation I would have ignored the dog and walked into him. I never walk around our dogs, if they are in the door way we walk 'through' them - they know they are the ones that have to move and they respect us now. We have sucessfully had 53 dogs at a time (it was a mix of newfoundlands, GSDs, retrievers, labradours, great danes, chihuahuas, doxies, newfie crosees, jack russels, manchester terrier, rat terriers, staffxs, brittanys, cocker spaniels, springer spaniels, 9 labradour puppies and 5 newfie puppies) living as indoor and outdoor dogs and never had any problems of them challenging us.

Possibly the most important thing - STAY CALM.

Thank you both so much, I will definately try the food thing Mr Underdog. He is not allowed in our bedroom anyway, let alone on our bed, but thanks anyway. And the tip about tug of war is brilliant because he is always bringing us his rope to play that with us, that explains a lot! Thank you everso much!

Orangedog - I will take note of these books and see if i can find them. Hopefully they will help!

And again, thank you both so much! You have really eased some pressure off! I just didn't know what to do!

Also, he is going in for castration at the end of this month so we are hoping that this will help to calm him somewhat. We know that this isn't always the case but we are not going to breed him with this temperment so we might as well castrate him to try and ease his aggression.

Many thanks again!

P.S. I will never stare him out again! I didn't realise how wrong I was!

your dog shouldn't of growled at you when you said hello. But could it have been because you startled him? I usually leave my dogs alone at midnight when they are sleeping.

There have been a few times when I woke them but very few and never when they were dreaming.

[DoggieVogue]

Originally Posted by timber&gizzy

your dog shouldn't of growled at you when you said hello. But could it have been because you startled him? I usually leave my dogs alone at midnight when they are sleeping.

There have been a few times when I woke them but very few and never when they were dreaming.

Yeah, when my dog is sleeping and I wake him he is upset and out of it. Never aggressive, just irritated. I can see how some dogs who are aggressive would react badly when disturbed in the middle of the night. Of course, that is not the cause of all his aggression. He is having serious dominance issues.

Mr. Underdog - I tried the food thing yesterday and it was brilliant. I put the food down on the floor and pretended to eat it for about 40 seconds, i then sat up and waited a bit, then i let him in. My partner stood far away in the background watching over in case anything happened - he said that our dog just looked confused at what was happening, which i supose is a good thing as he will have been thinking "but i am top dog, why is she eating first?" The good thing though is that no aggression was shown by him at any point when doing this excercise! I am confident that if me and my partner take it in turns doing this excercise, he will realise that he is bottom of our pack.
We don't play tug-of-war anymore either, he still comes up to us with his rope in his mouth but we just ignore this and play throw and catch instead. The only thing is that he gets bored of this quite quickly.

Are there any other games that we can play that don't affect the leadership role?

Glad to hear it. He seems to be understanding of it if he didn't try and charge in. Castrating should calm him down a bit as with him being a big dog he will mature later and so right now, whilst he might know that you are leader he will try to push boundaries (dont all teenagers? )
For keeping him busy, kong toys! They are the best thing you can ever buy for a dog IMO and whenever somebody wants to adopt from us or foster I always tell them to get a couple of kong toys! Being a retriever he will by nature have a strong jaw but be gentle when handling, so one of the large or x-large red ones should do fine. Ours get all types of stuffings that we make at home. Once a week get get minced meat from the butchers (we have alot of dogs so obviously buying fresh minced beef is hardly cheap ) and mix up minced beef (great for health, easily digested, can be fed in fair quanitities to puppies without tummy upsets, great for older dogs and great for makingg treats with), live natural yoghurt (good for gut flora, especially pups) and grated carrot (tasty, good for freezing, nutritious and great for dogs with runny poops). Me mix it all up (we dont usually use a certain amount of ingredients, we just go by what we need, usually we do it to the consistency as if we were making burgers, so when you squash it between your hands it should stay like that - if it falls apart, add more yoghurt, if its sloppy, add more mince or carrot. We block one side of the kong and stuff the mixture in until its full, put in an air-tight ziploc bag and freeze. Once totally frozen give it to your dog and it should keep him content for hours licking it out as it melts.

There is loads of different things you can use, if you have any raw meat scraps put them in, carrot peel, cooked eggs etc can all be put in to keep him content.
You can also make ommlettes in the kong. Scramble an egg, throw in some cooked chicken or something, put into the kong, stuff both holes in the kong with a bit of cheese and microwave for 10-20 seconds, allow to cool for about 40 seconds (get a metal kebab skewer and stick it through the cheese to the middle of the kong for a second then take it out and feel for how hot it is, you want the skewer to be just about warm) and feed.

Glad to hear it. He seems to be understanding of it if he didn't try and charge in. Castrating should calm him down a bit as with him being a big dog he will mature later and so right now, whilst he might know that you are leader he will try to push boundaries (dont all teenagers? )
For keeping him busy, kong toys! They are the best thing you can ever buy for a dog IMO and whenever somebody wants to adopt from us or foster I always tell them to get a couple of kong toys! Being a retriever he will by nature have a strong jaw but be gentle when handling, so one of the large or x-large red ones should do fine. Ours get all types of stuffings that we make at home. Once a week get get minced meat from the butchers (we have alot of dogs so obviously buying fresh minced beef is hardly cheap ) and mix up minced beef (great for health, easily digested, can be fed in fair quanitities to puppies without tummy upsets, great for older dogs and great for makingg treats with), live natural yoghurt (good for gut flora, especially pups) and grated carrot (tasty, good for freezing, nutritious and great for dogs with runny poops). Me mix it all up (we dont usually use a certain amount of ingredients, we just go by what we need, usually we do it to the consistency as if we were making burgers, so when you squash it between your hands it should stay like that - if it falls apart, add more yoghurt, if its sloppy, add more mince or carrot. We block one side of the kong and stuff the mixture in until its full, put in an air-tight ziploc bag and freeze. Once totally frozen give it to your dog and it should keep him content for hours licking it out as it melts.

There is loads of different things you can use, if you have any raw meat scraps put them in, carrot peel, cooked eggs etc can all be put in to keep him content.
You can also make ommlettes in the kong. Scramble an egg, throw in some cooked chicken or something, put into the kong, stuff both holes in the kong with a bit of cheese and microwave for 10-20 seconds, allow to cool for about 40 seconds (get a metal kebab skewer and stick it through the cheese to the middle of the kong for a second then take it out and feel for how hot it is, you want the skewer to be just about warm) and feed, dogs usually LOVE this.

I have a Boxer and a German Shepherd and they only want to please me. Golden retrievers are very smart and good natured dogs. I have found the best way to stop any agressive behavior towards me is love and affection. Rubs and hugs do wonders. You have to be careful not to play rough with them though. For instance my Boxer likes to play tug a war with a rope but he can get too agressive when playing. I also do not allow them to jump on me. I don't walk around my dogs either. I tell to move. They should not be in a walk path at night.

Originally Posted by OurBubaloo

Mr. Underdog - I tried the food thing yesterday and it was brilliant. I put the food down on the floor and pretended to eat it for about 40 seconds, i then sat up and waited a bit, then i let him in. My partner stood far away in the background watching over in case anything happened - he said that our dog just looked confused at what was happening, which i supose is a good thing as he will have been thinking "but i am top dog, why is she eating first?" The good thing though is that no aggression was shown by him at any point when doing this excercise! I am confident that if me and my partner take it in turns doing this excercise, he will realise that he is bottom of our pack.
We don't play tug-of-war anymore either, he still comes up to us with his rope in his mouth but we just ignore this and play throw and catch instead. The only thing is that he gets bored of this quite quickly.

Are there any other games that we can play that don't affect the leadership role?

Stuffed kong toys! :mrgreen:

You can stuff them with all kinds of things. We mix up raw minced/ground beef, grated carrot and natural live yoghurt and stuff as many kongs as we can with the mixture and freeze. Take out of the freezer, rinse with cold water and feed. They keep the dogs content for ages and are very cheap and easy. For a special treat, you can make a kong ommlette aswell! Scramble an egg, fry off some vegetables (Carrot, peas, green beans etc), stuff kong with egg and vegetables, put cheese in both holes of the kong, throw in the microwave for 20 seconds, take out, allow to cool and feed.

Originally Posted by willandtee62

I have a Boxer and a German Shepherd and they only want to please me. Golden retrievers are very smart and good natured dogs. I have found the best way to stop any agressive behavior towards me is love and affection. Rubs and hugs do wonders. You have to be careful not to play rough with them though. For instance my Boxer likes to play tug a war with a rope but he can get too agressive when playing. I also do not allow them to jump on me. I don't walk around my dogs either. I tell to move. They should not be in a walk path at night.

He is not aggressive because we don't give him enough love and attention, we are always hugging him and scratching him behind and in the ears (he absolutely loves that). He loves his lower back to be scratched too! He can be soooo affectionate, i am pretty sure that the cause of his aggression is because he is confused as to whom is boss. But now that is steadily changing! I have seen a vast improvement in him already thanks to everyone on here!

Many thanks to everyone!