[Yogi]

Dear Dog and Cat,
When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are your and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food..(Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest).

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I can fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. ( I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm ).

My compact discs are not miniature frisbees.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is no necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge to try and pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
( In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory ).

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cats' butt.
I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT PETS:

1. They live here, you don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he and or she is an adopted son or daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.
5. Dogs and Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all
the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your
car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't
worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes and don't
cost a million dollars for college.
I pass this along to all of my new puppy owners.....just in case.

[Todd]

Originally Posted by Yogi

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. ( I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm ).

This is hilarious! Did you come up with this yourself?

The bed paragraph really does apply with my Lucky. Dogs are characters, aren't they?:mrgreen:

[CorkyMax]

Lol, that top section is very funny--enjoyed!
The Rules for Non-Pet Owners -- One of my co-workers (When I was still working) had given me a copy of that--It was on an 8x10 or so paper with a nice border around it----I was going to frame it and hang by my door---forgot what happened to it----so never did get it framed--forgot all about it till you posted this! Lol, now I'll have to tear the house apart to try and find it!---Or try to make a new one (computer skills are not that great). Guess I could print it out in big letters and copy it and find or make my own border.:mrgreen:

[Yogi]

Originally Posted by Todd

This is hilarious! Did you come up with this yourself?

The bed paragraph really does apply with my Lucky. Dogs are characters, aren't they?:mrgreen:

This has actually been around for many many years. I came across it some 12 or 13 years ago and always kept it giving a copy of it to my puppy owners with instructions to post the lower ie: Rules for visitors on their front doors.

[Lunareclipse]

The bed paragraph is funny. I used to have a California King (bigger than a king) but I had to downsize due to the size of the room when I moved. Now I have a kingsize. When we go to expand our bedroom, we are getting a Paul Bunyon bed. It's the biggest bed available. We are tired of waking up crammed in the crack between the wall and the bed.

[CorkyMax]

Originally Posted by Lunareclipse

The bed paragraph is funny. I used to have a California King (bigger than a king) but I had to downsize due to the size of the room when I moved. Now I have a kingsize. When we go to expand our bedroom, we are getting a Paul Bunyon bed. It's the biggest bed available. We are tired of waking up crammed in the crack between the wall and the bed.

Lol, maybe you should keep the bed for yourself and give the Paul Bunyon to the 'Saints!' Just make your bedroom a little bigger than originally planned.

[Lunareclipse]

Originally Posted by Corky/Max

Lol, maybe you should keep the bed for yourself and give the Paul Bunyon to the 'Saints!' Just make your bedroom a little bigger than originally planned.

lol. That would be an idea. But I don't think I am going to spend 3 grand on a bed and not sleep in it.

[CorkyMax]

Originally Posted by Lunareclipse

lol. That would be an idea. But I don't think I am going to spend 3 grand on a bed and not sleep in it.

WOW!!-$$. Okay so you keep the new bed and give them the old one!

[Lara's mom]

That is priceless!

[ThereseAline]

Originally Posted by Yogi

1. They live here, you don't.
2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

Lol! My favorites.

[Ward9320]

HAHA thats great.. I really like the rules for non pet owners

[petsrule]

It is just too funny about the bed situation. We have the same problem with trying to hurry and get in the bed (and claim some space) before the dogs get up there. They have their own dog beds but prefer ours.