A Few Jokes

CorkyMax · 08-04-2010

What has 500 teeth and says, "Beware of dog"?

A picket fence with a sign on it.

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Why does your dog turn around so many times before he lies down?

He's a watchdog and he's winding himself up.

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Little Roger was frightened of the large bulldog in the yard next to his house, and he'd often tell his mother that the dog was always looking at him like it wanted to eat him up.
One day, feeling adventerous, Roger stuck his face close enough to the fence while the dog was close to the fence but with his back turned.
In a quick second, the bulldog casually turned around and lovingly licked Roger's face once and then turned around again to face the other direction.
Roger began SCREAMING loudly and ran back to the house.
The mother rushed out and asked, "What's wrong? Did the dog bite you?"

"No," whimpered Roger, "but he tasted me."

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Did you hear about the dog that visited a flea circus?

He stole the show.

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If a dog loses his tail, where does he get a new one?

At the retail store.

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Johnny's mom shouts outside to Johhny, "You keep that dog out of the house, it's full of fleas."

"Rex," Johhny looks in his dog's eyes and says, "don't go in the house, it's full of fleas."

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A man walks up to another man in the park who's trying to train his dog and asks, "What kind of dog is that, a setter or a pointer?"

"Neither," responded the dog owner, "he's an upsetter and a disappointer."

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George walked into the police station to report that his wife was missing. The cop began writing up the case.
"How tall is she?"
"About this high, give or take a little."
"How much does she weigh?"
"About average, i guess."
"Eye color?"
"Uhmmm, neutral...i'm not really sure.
"Hair color?"
"I don't know, it changes a lot."
"What was she wearing?"
"I suppose...a hat...and...a coat, maybe."
"Was she carrying anything?"
"Yes, a dog on a leash."
"What kind of dog?"
"A pedigreed white and gray German Shephard, weighing thirty-nine pounds, six hands high, license number 21-14-697-41-AFY, wearing a black collar, slightly deaf in the right ear, and answers to the name, Sam."