[Ultimatdogmom]

I found this on a website, it's very funny

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

[MaraX]

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it. I loved that one.

[CorkyMax]

Good funny read, I am laughing out loud and no one here but me and my 2 sleeping/snoozing dogs. Have to agree with you MaraX about that one but all are pretty right on!

[MaraX]

Yeah I know.

[ManicforDogs]

Very Cute!! I love that underwear one. My Silly Pup drags the underwear out into the living room & drops it off for all to see. This has been actually said in my house, 'Mom, why is your underwear under the kitchen table'. Oh Boy!

[susieklein]

Love this great list, all too true!