[Ros]

Hi everyone, I was glad to find this forum. It helps to know we all share the grief of losing our loved companions. It's been four weeks today since Millie, my maltese poodle, left her ailing body and went flying free. It's harder for me now than it was then. I wonder how long it will take before I can adjust to not having her around. I had her for ten years. I know she's ok but I'm so sad. Here's what I wrote to her the day she died:

Dearest precious one,

After my old dog died I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love another. But one day you toddled into my heart, just six weeks old, a tiny round ball of white fluff with yellow ears and needle-sharp teeth. You were the smallest of the litter and were really too young to leave your mother but the owners didn’t want to keep the pups any longer so I brought you home. The new experience of riding in the car in your padded box was scary for you and when I put you inside my shirt next to my heart our heart-to-heart connection was firmly cemented, never to break.

Almost from the beginning you weren’t the strongest or healthiest of pups, but your sweet happy nature made you a joy to be with. You would wait patiently at the side of the bed each morning and at the first sign of movement you would bound up onto the bed and cover me with kisses. You were always delighted to meet new people and you saw everyone as potential new friends. Some did become very special friends and then you just about turned yourself inside out with happiness whenever you saw them. Your heart was so big and you never withheld love from anyone who allowed it in. This joy in loving everybody was exuberantly abundant until the end.

You were the one who shared my days and my nights – your chosen kennel was under my bed at night; wherever I was during the day, you was there too, sharing the experience. You loved your soft toys, especially Winnie the Pooh. The older and more tattered he was, the more you loved him. New toys just didn’t cut it, though you did enjoy being violent with Blue Bear. On our walks you’d dance along the beach waggling your hips pertly from side to side and you loved paddling at the edge of the waves and chasing stones or balls. You’d never bring them back though so I became your stone and ball slave. In sad times and hard times you comforted me just by your presence, sitting patiently with me for days if I was unwell. Your tongue was always ready to give a kiss, much to some people’s discomfort!

Even when you had injuries and operations which entailed visits to the dreaded vet, you didn’t complain, knowing that I wouldn’t hurt you and that I was there to help you. When you went blind at age nine, you trusted me to be your guide person, a trust I didn’t always merit (ouch - a tree!). You were a little adventurer, bravely exploring old and new places and smells, banging into trees and poles and fences, falling down gutters, but never faltering in your enthusiasm to be out and about, listening for my voice, running to me on the sports ground through your darkness, quite sure that nothing could hurt you if I was there. I loved the way you cocked your head, listening for where I was, and the joyous way you hurtled towards me, triumphant that you’d found the right direction.

My beautiful Millie, you have been my best friend through good and bad times, my ray of light, my sunshine in the dark. You were a little angel who shared every aspect of my life as only you could do. I loved you as soon as I saw you and that love just grew and grew, especially during the last year when you needed me to help you have quality of life. Your valiant heart and strength of spirit have been amazing to watch and even now when the struggles are hardest, I marvel at your courage, good nature and enjoyment of life.

And now the time has come to let you go. You are struggling too much to breathe and to walk and though you’re not complaining, I don’t want you to suffer any more. I am so thankful that you were in my life, teaching me to love you unselfishly, as you have loved me. I will be with you when you draw your last breath and go into that final sweet freedom. You will be with me whenever I think of you and I will always love you. Peace and gentle rest to you, dear precious four-legged friend of my heart.

18th June 2010

[cherylmartin]

I cried as I read your story of Millie. She sounded like such a loving soul.
I am so sorry for your loss but knowin your heart that Millie is at The Rainbow Bridge free from pain-free to run and play again-awaiting you. Jasmine was there to meet her at The gate and is showing her around. Millie will always be your Guardian Angel.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

Hugs,

[cigwyllt]

What a beautiful tribute. Someone once said to me that there are wonderful dogs and "heart" dogs - those dogs that almost become one with you. My Yeti was like that and Millie was one of those too. The pain will get better in time. I know, because I've been through it too.

[CorkyMax]

Very well put --even if bitter-sweet. I had to put my Corky to sleep on June 10th (5 wks ago) so I know how you must be feeling.

I don't know if you saw this post I did about a poem I found recently--It was a good read for me--Hope it is for you too. Here is the link to it in case you didn't see it before: Poem for My Corky

OMG! I just went back to reread the poem I posted and I see you have read it as you thanked me for the post! Glad it was 'good' for you too. I only wish I had seen it before I had to put my Corky down--It would of helped me even more but I am glad I finally found it. Maybe our dogs are playing together right now--I hope they are happy and will meet us at the Gate when the time is right.

[Ros]

Thanks so much everyone for responding to my post about Millie. I know the sadness will lift sometime. Every time I come home I dread the empty house. Every time someone comes to the door I miss the excited barking and my visitors miss the welcoming tailwags. Somehow our hugs are not quite enough yet. It's been four weeks and I'm a bit worried that this gentle depression wont lift, that it will become entrenched. I've had a few periods of depression in my life and I don't want it again. I'm getting out and living normally but there's a pall over everything. I went to a wonderful ballet yesterday - first time for thirty years - and even that wasn't the thrill it could have been. I couldn't have gone if Millie had still been sick so the freedom is a mixed blessing. Thanks for letting me share.

Ros

[MIA'SO3]

Millie sounded like a very special companion and when I read your poem I just cried but I am glad that you both shared that special bond between the two of you.

[bordercollie]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Millie sounds like a one in a million dog. The heart to heart connection broke mine. I lost my dog after ten years, i had him from age 7-17, the most important years of my life. I still miss him, even though its been two years now.

but there are plenty of dogs in heaven to play with, maybe yours and mine are together, somehow, somewhere.
rest in peace, millie

[Ros]

Thanks to Mia and bordercollie for your thoughts. It's been nearly 7 weeks now since she left and I'm feeling whole again. I now look at her photo on my wall and smile with the memories of our life together. I used to cry whenever I looked at the photo because I wanted her there to fill up the hole she left when she went. Somehow the hole has been filled, not by anything in particular but by the fullness of appreciation for having had such a great experience. I've heard it said that in order to be happy we have to have something to love, something to do and something to look forward to. Well my something to love (my children are living far away) was Millie. I love my friends too but not with the intimacy that a live-in companion can provide. I now look forward to having another love in my life but not just yet; maybe after Christmas. Someone might surprise me by coming unexpectedly!
Meanwhile, life is good, different but good. I still have tears occasionally when I tell people about her going or when I'm going through the photos, but I think that's normal and ok. I'm loving the meetings with other people's dogs, such special beings of unconditional love and joy in the moment.

[goldie]

What a touching story. Thank you so much for sharing.

[DougGeneration]

I don't ever want to be part with Creamy as she's like the best pet ever, I could really sympathize with Ros as I think I'd be as emotional and attached to write something very inspirational. But I don't hope for it to happen any time soon! NO!!:!:

[vance99]

I am glad to come by this thread. Its really amazing to see what you have done. For all of us who have pets, they become like a family member for us and they do deserve a great farewell.