Need some advice

harley_quinn · 09-23-2010

Hello,

In reality, my dog has made me a better student, more responsible, and an all around much better person. When she first came to live with us, she wouldn't use the restroom much even though I took her out many times. Now she goes every time I take her out. I aim for at least 4-5 times a day. Most days I can get her outside every few hours, but on Tues. and Thurs. my boyfriend is supposed to take her out. My heavy days are his easy days, it seems to work great because that means she can get her noon or early afternoon restroom time even though I'm not there to take her. Unfortunately my boyfriend has only done it a few times. He's not the dog owner I thought he was going to be.

He begged for a dog. I wanted to wait because I felt that it would be a huge responsibility. He promised so much, but now I'm the one who takes her out at ten at night and seven fifty in the morning. It's not fair, it's like when a little kid asks for a pet only to have it neglected after it grows up. Today I left to school and expected him to take her out, he didn't, he had a meeting and had to go to the bank. Excuses. While he was at the bank, the dog toppled over the trash can and ate some leftovers (trash he was supposed to take out). Then when I got home at four, he was gone and she was locked in the restroom with no water. I took her out immediately and she did her business. I was a bit proud of her for not using it in the house all day, but still felt bad that she had to hold it since 8 in the morning. It's frustrating.

What do I do to make him realize that she is a responsibility? I love my dog but it's not fair to the both of us that he's not stepping up. When I bring it up it usually ends with me feeling angry and him thinking I'm nagging. What are some ways to break it to him that he needs to help us out that will help steer clear of argument zone?

Lunareclipse · 09-23-2010

Lock the bathroom door and tell him he can use the bathroom after the dog has used the bathroom.

harley_quinn · 09-23-2010

Oh wow, haha if it locked from the outside I'd try that. It is a cool idea.

DoggieVogue · 09-24-2010

I had the same issue with my boyfriend when we got a puppy, and I had to sit down and have a talk with him about it. And while he is good with her now, I still have to nag him every now and then to take her out. I was the one who always got up with her at 4am when she was a puppy etc.. I hated it! (although I love her to pieces!) You just need to be firm, some men just don't get it!

Yogi · 09-24-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoggieVogue

I had the same issue with my boyfriend when we got a puppy, and I had to sit down and have a talk with him about it. And while he is good with her now, I still have to nag him every now and then to take her out. I was the one who always got up with her at 4am when she was a puppy etc.. I hated it! (although I love her to pieces!) You just need to be firm, some men just don't get it!

didn't you mean some people just don't get it....

I can point to many women over the years that had no clue also.

cigwyllt · 09-24-2010

What's the problem with being a single dog parent? My husband and I have 5 kids and I have three dogs. He is a great father to the kids but has nothing whatsoever to do with the dogs. We have a flap in the back door so they take themselves outside for the toilet if we are at home but he does nothing with them at all. If I were to be away overnight or if I was too ill for any reason to feed them one of the children would do it. He is not and would never be cruel to them but he does not have one iota of interest in them. They are my dogs and I love them to bits. If he wanted to be involved with them that would be great but as he does not I do it all myself and get a lot of pleasure from them.

It looks like your partner has decided he is just not interested in the practical side. You can't really make some get involved if they don't want to be - cleaning up the kitchen after his negligence allowed the dog to get into stuff is simply being considerate, nothing really to do with looking after the dog. Sounds like he needs to address his attitude to domestic life while you go ahead and enjoy the dog!

CorkyMax · 09-25-2010

It looks like your partner has decided he is just not interested in the practical side. You can't really make some get involved if they don't want to be - cleaning up the kitchen
after his negligence allowed the dog to get into stuff is simply being considerate, nothing really to do with looking after the dog. Sounds like he needs to address his attitude to domestic life while you go ahead and enjoy the dog!

Love this 'perfect' reply--Cigwyllt!

lange · 09-25-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corky/Max

It looks like your partner has decided he is just not interested in the practical side. You can't really make some get involved if they don't want to be - cleaning up the kitchen
after his negligence allowed the dog to get into stuff is simply being considerate, nothing really to do with looking after the dog. Sounds like he needs to address his attitude to domestic life while you go ahead and enjoy the dog!

Love this 'perfect' reply--Cigwyllt!

harley_quinn · 09-26-2010

Appreciate the advice, thanks ya'll. Today we had a friend over and Harley went over to him and sat on his lap. My boyfriend tried to call her over and she just stared at him. I think the reason he doesn't feel compelled to take responsibility for her is because he isn't enjoying her.

OregonGirl · 09-27-2010

In regards to the last post.. If I were locked in a small space for several hours with nowhere to relieve myself, I wouldn't enjoy being with the person who did it much either! haha!

It sounds like you are a wonderful companion to your dog and although it might bug you that he doesn't take as much responsibility that you do, nagging him will lead to no result except a fight that you don't want.

After being with my Fiance for three years, I've realized that sometimes it's best to just work around him.

So if I were in your shoes, I would just install a dog door and get an automatic feeder. She might miss the attention and playtime she gets with you while you're out, but she will also be so happy when you come home!